Being a Financially Independent Woman and Married

I wrote this article back in 2008 when I was in my third marriage…yes; I admit I have been married three times. I'm no longer married and am happily single, however I re read this article and find that there are some sound advice for both married and women thinking of getting married, in it. I hope you enjoy it.

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The first time, I was young and foolishly thought I could change him. The second time, well we all know how that one turned out. I am now married for the third time…however, what I have been doing in this marriage is what I didn’t do in the first two marriages. I am not talking about not trying to change the guy, not trying to be someone I am not, or making a perfect marriage out of nothing at all. No, I am talking about my finances. I take care of myself emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, but I never thought I had to take care of myself financially until now. I should have realized just how huge an impact it is mentally, emotionally and physically when I am left with nothing.

Being married doesn’t mean you have to be totally dependant on the man to provide for you. Just because you are married shouldn’t mean that you lose yourself in your man and his life. You still are a human being, an individual and you have your own two feet to stand on (figuratively speaking) as well as your own hands and backbone to do what needs to be done. Your husband or partner isn’t there for you to ride on.

Here is an example of what I am talking about. When you watch those guys on the unicycle in the circus, they can do some pretty amazing things right, especially up on a high wire. But when you add two people to that single wheel, things get pretty intense and while you watch them on that unicycle you find you hold your breath a lot. What about when you add three people to that one wheeled vehicle? Really gets scary right? I know I have seen those circus people get up to 5 people on one tiny little wheel. Not for me thanks. I prefer 4 wheels and a running board. You have a good, sturdy car with 4 wheels on the ground; it’s solid and safe for more than just one person to be in, right?

Well, why would it be any different for a marriage and finances? It doesn’t matter where you live in the world, why would you put all your trust on a one wheeled vehicle, namely your husband’s financial wheel? What if something happened to him? What if something happened to the money he brought in? Look at the way this economy is going? Wonder why it’s not as good as people keep wishing it to be? That is a story for another time; but just understand that you don’t have to be stuck on that unicycle with your husband. Grab a wheel, stretch out of your comfort zone and get financially independent. It will not only help you in the long run, but think of the benefits of earning an income for yourself, having investments and working as a ‘team’ WITH your husband rather than expecting him to have it all while you sit in the dark.

When you are financially independent it isn’t saying you are expecting the worst of the marriage, you are just making sure that it is on equal terms so that you can work towards having an awesome marriage. You would be surprised at how many men actually love knowing that their wives don’t ‘need’ them financially and feel more secure knowing that if anything was to happen to them that their wives were very well taken care of and strong enough to get through anything. I have also been told that when they see their wives financially independent they (the husbands) feel like a huge weight lifted off their shoulders and they don’t have this ‘thing’ hanging over their heads. They WANT to create a cashflow rather than HAVE to create one.

There are poems, stories, sayings about how strong women are and yet soft on the inside. Why not use that to our benefit financially? We are great at multi-tasking and taking care of others, so why not take care of ourselves too? We would most certainly sleep better knowing the bills were paid, savings account was in the black, kids were well taken care of, what our investments were doing, etc because we are involved in the creation of these things.

The next time you see an opportunity to help you get financially independent don’t be afraid to take the chance…grab that opportunity; it could be the best thing you ever did for yourself and your family.

Until next time, have a blessed and prosperous week.

Less Really is More and Too Much Isn't all its Cracked up to Be

With the new reality shows about hoarding, de-cluttering your home, purging, organization, etc, on TV, I got thinking about where we got so much stuff? Junk really, let’s be honest, do we really need 4 dressers and two walk-in closets in one bedroom for two people? Or how about 3 sets of dishes, two dishwashers, furniture squeezing us out of our own homes. Oh and we can’t forget all those toys in the kids’ room…I mean we as a society have gotten out of control in keeping everything. Have we really just gotten this way or has it always been this way?

These shows get me thinking our history, as a people on whole. I started digging and researching when did we, as a people, start collecting, hoarding and piling up stuff around us? And more importantly why do we do it?

Interestingly enough I have figured out that we as a people have done this as far back as man has been around. Let’s take a look at the eras:

Stone Age: Cavemen lived pretty simple but what is all that piled up around the edges of his cave? Archeologists have found interesting things when they discovered caves dated back to this era…piles of bones, from food sources maybe? He had bowls, clubs, weapons, in his home. Why? He only had two hands, why need more than two of anything? Why keep the piles of bones, etc? What good did it do him?

Bronze Age and Iron Age: Now this is interesting. This is the era of the earliest hieroglyphs, written language. I laugh when I see what the archeologists bring out of the tombs of the pharaohs. The people in this time honestly thought that the more stuff you had buried with you would make your journey to the next life easier. Talk about hoarding! These people took collecting stuff to an extreme! Even in death!

Middle Ages: This is the part in our world’s history where it is really noticeable about the concurring and pillaging of villages, killing for money, power, land, slaves, etc. Again we see humans stock piling things, for what? So they can look like they are richer, better, stronger, more powerful?

Industrial Age and Technological Age: this brings us through the past couple hundred years or so to today. Again, as humans, we gather, collect, create, make bigger, better, stronger, faster and now are just learning about letting go, recycling, reusing and my favorite saying “less is more”, but most people are still stuck in this need to keep.

During all this researching the one question that kept coming up for me was “why do we do this?” What purpose does it fill having so much stuff? It isn’t just to help us ‘get to the other side’, make us all powerful, because we can, etc. I personally think that man has been doing this because they are scared. Without stuff around them who are they? All history has shown us is that people collected and stashed things because they thought they were someone then. More was better then less, too much meant they could do whatever they wanted to others and they couldn’t be stopped. Being insecure about your self might cause one to keep everything. Remember the sand in the hand analogy? The tighter the hold the less you have … the opposite is true too.

I am thinking that the Future Age needs to have some serious changes made because no matter how much we show on TV cleaning out the junk; it will never go away unless we as individuals all do our part. I find that I am happier, healthier and feeling better about my life because I have let go of so much stuff.  Nature doesn’t hang on to its stuff. When nature is finished with its old needles, blades of grass birds nest, it lets go, recycles and moves on very free. We enjoy being in nature so much and find the beauty around us breathtaking, why don’t we take a page from Natures book and get de-junked, de-cluttered, get rid of the stashes of trashes and purge. Time to be free of stuff, don’t you think?

Red? A Memory From My Childhood

Here is a story of something I said when I was a child that has remained an inside joke in my family ever since.

A little background before I get into the story. I must have been about 5 years old when we moved to Peachland, BC. My dad had bought some property way out in the woods, with part of his inheritance and then built our little house on it. It was tiny, about 900 sq ft. There was one bathroom on the main floor under the stairs just off the living room that was also our dining room and opened into a tiny kitchen. The stairway up to the loft that was divided into two bedrooms, were we all slept, was just off the kitchen. At the top of the stairs there was a doorway on the right and one on the left. My parents slept in the room on the right overlooking the front of the house and driveway. My brother and I had to share the tiny room on the left that looked over the back of the property, brush and somewhere in the dense wood was the creek.

In the living room my dad put in a wood stove as our only source of heat. This is where the story takes place.

I was watching my dad assemble the wood stove and after he assembled it, he started painting the bolts so they would blend in and match the stove. Esthetically pleasing. Well, after I while I asked my dad, “what are you doing?” he said, “I am painting the bolts to match the rest of the stove”. I then said, “what color?”….he said, “black”…I said, “red?”

Yes, you have it, I loved hearing myself talk and didn’t listen too well as a child. So now we have a joke in the house whenever we say something silly without thinking we use “red?”

Looking Good Without Spending a Dime

Women are so conscious of how they look today. Not because they look bad but because they feel they have to keep up with what is socially acceptable beauty on TV, movies, reality shows, magazines and models. Sadly we all seem to have low self esteem when it comes to comparing what we look like to the celebrities. I admit it, I am one of those women, admiring others and seeing none of what they have in me.

I mentioned in my previous article, Feeling Good without Spending a Dime and loving the new you, that feeling good about yourself and liking the way you look goes hand in hand. You can't have one without the other, not really. You can fake it till you make it though, but it isn't the same.

Now that you have started your 15 minutes a day focused on your inner beauty and building your self-esteem, that I challenged you to do in my last article, are you ready to work on your outer self? Yes? Great! Let's get to it!

Look in your closet(s), drawers, boxes, bins, storage, etc. Go ahead be brave and dive in. Is there anything in there that you haven't worn in the past year or longer? Great! Give it away!!! I am sure you know a few little girls that would love it for playing dress up. You don't need that stuff, anymore! What you have left will be your favorites and things to wear on a special occasion. Organize them in colors, styles, most worn to least, in your closet; whatever it takes for you to see them quickly and efficiently. It will save you time and energy. You will feel better once it is done.

Do the same with your makeup; go through all of those drawers, cabinets, makeup bags, etc. You have a lot don't you? Yes, I thought so, now you have sorted out everything you don't wear...throw it out! Did you know that there is an expiry date for most makeup? Like mascara and foundations. That is why they get lumpy and hard to work with. Discard all the eye makeup that you have never worn or tried once but didn't like it on yourself. You will never wear it, it is just taking up space and cluttering your mind...yes, subconsciously you are aware of all the STUFF you hang on to. Even if you don't think you are...it isn't healthy; mentally, emotionally. Your spouse and family will thank you later for doing such a great job purging.

Next...jewelry; go through it all and after you have removed all the stuff you never wear or wouldn't be caught dead in, see what is of value, sell it. What isn't of value (costume jewelry that isn't good in today's styles) give that to your nieces, daughters, grand daughters, friends daughter, friends daughters friend, whatever, to play dress up with.

You are starting fresh here. You can't get a great look if you don't know what you have. Now that you have made room in every part of your personal space, de-cluttered as I like to think of it, you are ready for more fun. Isn't this fun? No?? You need a break, no worries, the hard stuff is over.

Now go shopping! No, no, no not at the store! I mean in your closet. I bet you find things in there that are great for mixing and matching. With all the fashion tips available online, in magazines, on TV, etc, you know you have great stuff already.

Ok, so you have done the hard stuff and got started on the fun part of your New Look. I have another challenge for you, I want you to go into your closet, makeup and hair style products and play "dress up". Remember what it was like when you were a little girl going into your mom's closet, your sister's closet or even in the trunk up in the attic where the old clothes were and you played dress up? Do you remember how much fun that was, you didn't care if a blouse was suppose to go with a certain skirt or pant. Or what colors went with what. I want you to dig deep into your inner self and find that little girl again and play dress up with your clothes. Be creative with what you find and enjoy experimenting with colors, makeup and hair styles. Find that hidden celebrity and star in you. She is just dying to come out and present the world the New You.

Have fun with this girl-friends!

Feeling Good Without Spending a Dime

I am sure you have a favorite celebrity that you admire. I know I do. I always thought it was just the way she looked, dressed, her hair was always perfect, not to mention her make up but I liked the way she walked and carried herself. I started learning more about her as a person, researching her and studying her. I finally figured out what it was that I liked, it was how she FELT about herself. She is not only confident but she was smart too. She is successful today because she believes in herself and it shows on the outside. I wanted that look that she had and so I decided what I had to do. It wasn't going to cost me anything to do what she did either. I had to clear out the crud, that thick black goo that seems to cling to everything, from my mind that affected my emotions.

You are sitting there saying "well, how do I do that?" You already know what to do but you aren't sure if you have enough umpf to put the effort in to do it, right? Only you can change you, if you want something bad enough you will put in the time and effort. To begin improving how we see ourselves on the outside, we need to look at our thinking and emotions. One thing that I have learned is that if I don't like what I look like, how I dress, or that I don't feel good about myself, it's probably because of what is going on in my head.

Many people, professionals, counselors, etc say that you have to change your inner world before you can change your outer world. I say "Yes and No" to this. You can't feel good about yourself until you feel good about what you look like and visa versa. I guess what I am saying is that it goes hand in hand. What kid show is it that has the song "You can't have one without the other..."? Sesame Street, I think...anyway, just got side track there for a minute. Where was I...Oh yes, hand in hand is how the feeling and looking good work for women.

I know that if my head is clear with a goal, plan or dream and I am focused on what I set out to do then the way I feel about myself, how I carry myself, dress, do my hair, whether I put makeup on or not, even down to what shoes I wear, heels or not, will reflect this. I feel more confident, successful, positive and seem to have the world in the palm of my hands.

However, if my head is full of that "crud" I mentioned earlier, then I feel just the opposite about myself and I find that my outer person reflex this. If I am not sure why I am going through this slump, I will do myself "up" on the outside anyways. I find sometimes, not all the time but sometimes, putting on my favorite pants, blouse, makeup, doing my hair, just the right jewelry accents and high heels, I feel better in my own head space. It helps to get me back in the game of success and positive energy.

If I find that this doesn't work then I know that I have something going on in my life that I need to de-clutter. Whether it is physically, personally, emotionally, mentally, or in a relationship way, I have to clean that black goo out of my mind to get back on track.

To de-clutter and feel good about you and love the new you, start with purging your mental, emotion and personal closet. I am going to challenge you to take 15 minutes a day, preferably first thing in the morning, for yourself. Focus on You. This could be a meditation, reading a positive affirming, motivation self help book, exercise, playing your favorite music, anything that will help you be in a better place in your mind. Do this for two weeks, see how you feel during that time. You will be able to face the rest of the day with more vigor, joy, hope and get a lot more done than you expected. Let me know how it goes.

In the next article I am going to help you look good without spending a dime. Like I said the feeling good and looking good go hand in hand. Have fun discovering the new you, girl-friends!

Being Your Own Boss - Remember the Reason, the Passion

Have you ever sat down ready to write and couldn’t figure out what to put down? So you start researching on the internet. Perhaps typed in “best topic to write about” or something like that? What if you already knew what you wanted to write about but the article you were asked to write isn’t on that topic?

Crunched for time? You have to get that article in before the deadline or you don’t get paid? Is the writing more about the pay or is about your passion, your desire to help others? Do you enjoy what you write about or are you writing what people tell you to write about because it’s more about the money?

Just like any other home-based business owner, you have bills to pay, worried about getting food on the table for your family, new shoes for your kid’s because they seem to have grown out of the other ones so fast. All these are genuine reasons for staying on topic, focused and dedicated to getting your work done, however these really shouldn’t be the most important reasons.

Why did you choose to write, work or become your own boss? Was it for the extra time that you were suppose to have with your family? The potential amount money you could bring in? The tax write offs? What really motivated you to take the step in working for yourself?

For me the reasons for being a full time freelance writer was so I could have more time with my family, be my own boss, set my own hours and because I love to write. However, somewhere along the way, I lost sight of my desires. I got so caught up in making sure that the money was coming in that I put my dreams on hold. I have been logical, rational and responsible. Uhhh yes, the virgo or if you will, the melancholy in me…responsible. It has been screaming at me to “go get a real job, bring in a regular pay cheque, and then work on my writing”. I struggle with this little voice of reason daily. I am sure that you do too, if you are reading this now. But I have to remember to keep that excitement and joy in seeing my dream and going after it, because if I lose it, then I am only a slave to a new boss, myself. Quite frankly she is tougher to work for than my last two bosses. My expectations from myself are way higher than I can possibly achieve, but I have to keep trying, cuz if I am not willing to strive, who else will?

Well, I can’t tell you that it get’s easier, or that it has paid off very well, yet; not listening to that voice in my head, or to what other people have to say about my career move. I do know that I have been able to pay the bills on time and regularly and I have enjoyed most of the writing projects so far. However, I need to keep in mind why I write. It’s because I am passionate about what I am saying and I want to help others.

You might have a different business, but we are all the same on the inside, in that we have a very valid reason for wanting to be entrepreneurs. Why not find out what that is for you again and get re-acquainted with that inner self that has a dream and passion for the choice you made and hush the voice of reason, because really what matters most is that as long as the bills are getting paid and you have a dream of where you want to be, you will get there and you will be great!

It isn’t the destination that matters but the journey you are on…enjoy the trip because in the end you are going to look back and say “It was so worth it!”

Until next time, have a prosperous and successful week.

Attitude - Your Attitude Precisely

Attitude, it always comes back to attitude. Your attitude more precisely. How you respond to any situation, person or thing that happens to you, around you or to someone that you care about. The emotion attached to what you want, don’t want, do or don’t do, is in direct proportion to your attitude. I never really understood this until recently. Let me explain what I am thinking.

You can have the most positive attitude in the worst situation you find yourself in and yet if you are ‘feeling’ any negative emotions that positive attitude isn’t really going last long. You have to take baby steps in getting your emotions to be positive enough that the attitude is in sync with your emotional energy.

We are all energy beings. Science has shown that our bodies are made up of molecules, atoms and so on that creates our physical being. What is energy? Same thing…molecules, atoms and such. So we are energy beings, plain and simple. The world around us is made of the same stuff we are, that is why our environment is affected by us and visa versa. With that thought in mind, why would we want to allow ourselves to have negative emotions, feelings or thoughts? We would put it out there in attitude which would infect everyone and thing around us.

I got thinking about this this morning and realized that even when I have a great attitude about my life, I wanted to make sure that my emotions where on the same page. Most of the time it isn’t hard to have this happen, but like I mentioned earlier, if you are experiencing a bad situation and try to keep the positive attitude going but your heart isn’t in it or your emotions aren’t matched to it then eventually the attitude will fade to bring out the truth.

Your attitude will either infect or affect others around you but that is because the emotions you are experiencing will radiate out. Why not make the choice of focusing on positive emotions and a great attitude. I am not saying “fake it till you make it”. It takes work but you are worth the effort and you will love your life for it because you cared enough to do it.

I heard someone say once “Get rid of the crud, because it keeps you from getting where you want to go”. He is right, by releasing the swamp water, crud or whatever you want to call it that affects your attitude and with a great attitude and positive emotions in the center of you, you will not only feel better but it will be passed on for others to experience. Like the stone tossed into the water creating a continuous ripple affect.

Here is to your positive emotions and great attitude!

Getting Lost – That’s When You Will Find Yourself – the True Self

When you are young you have so many dreams, aspirations and desires. As you grow up, older and wiser you start to narrow down those dreams and ideas to what you feel is your calling, your career, or what is needed. But have you noticed that as time goes on you find yourself not sure? Or possible over the next 20, 30, or 40 years since you first left home, changing those ideas and careers a few times? Not because you couldn’t do the job, live in that house or town or from boredom, but because it was like going to the store and buy a pair of shoes that you thought you would love, they were comfortable and you took them home only to find out that they don’t go with anything you have in your closet?

There is a great movie that came out back in 1986, Short Circuit, where the robot, Johnny 5, in a bizarre and funny way discovered his humanity. He also found that he loved learning and hating killing or destroying things and so he got out of his “box”, the lab at the military base, to seek out another way of life. Throughout the movie Johnny 5 would say “Need input, more input!” He loved learning and expanding his comfort zone, or stretching his bubble bigger and bigger.

How many times have you got up in the morning, got ready for your day and thought “Why am I here?” “Why am I going to a job that I don’t enjoy going to?” “What is the purpose of all this?” or something along those lines. Well, that is when you need to step out of your comfort zone and get lost…yup I mean that in the nicest, most loving, supportive way possible. Get lost! Go out and explore! Find out what really challenges you and what puts that sparkle back in your eye and a dance in your step. Ok, so the sayings I am using are old and corny, but let’s face it, if you really loved what you were doing, you would already be there…dancing, laughing, energized to go about your day.

I am not saying, run away from your problems, quit your job, or leave your family…I am saying emotionally, mentally and maybe if you have too, go out and get lost! In your town, city or mall. Just go and think outside the box to find out what it is that calls to you. Look around as if you were a new person in this place; see it for the first time. How do you feel in this place you call home? Your work? Dig deep and figure out what it is you want to do. I know it is possible to be here, in this place and still get lost and rediscover your home, family and town. It feels pretty amazing to take off the blinders and look around as if it were the first time and see what others are seeing.

How about doing that with yourself personally, too. Have you ever considered dancing? Taking up a hobby like painting, singing or maybe even a class about stock trading? I don’t know what your personality is but for me, learning is something I love doing. I have come to appreciate how much I enjoy learning about everything. I am good at a couple things and terrible at other things, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to learn more.

What about you? You ready to go out, get lost and find yourself where you were lost? I hope to see you along the way, lost and happy because you have found your true self.